Method 1 of 3:

Examining His Behavior

  1. Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
    You may be wondering if your boyfriend is being faithful to you. Maybe he is treating you differently, spending less time with you, being super secretive, or not putting effort into the relationship anymore. However, it is best to examine his behavior, ask him questions, and look for evidence before you accuse him of cheating

    1
    Determine if he is overly protective of his phone. If your boyfriend is cheating, he will become overly protective of his phone and computer. Does he get upset if you touch his phone or computer?[1] His phone is probably what he uses to communicate with the other person he is seeing, and he wants to keep you as far away from his stuff as possible.

    • If you ask “Who was that calling/texting you?” he may say, “nobody,” or “don’t worry about it.”
    • Does he delete text message threads or Facebook messages before he lets you use his phone?
    • Does he run to answer the phone before you can see who is calling?
  2. 2
    Pay attention to his normal routine. If your boyfriend is cheating, he has to make time for this other person in his schedule and change his routine.[2] You probably know his usual schedule. If he starts hanging out with his guy friends more, studying late, or working late nights, he may be cheating.[3]

    • Your boyfriend will begin to choose all of these activities over spending time with you. You will no longer be a priority.[4]
  3. 3
    Notice if he becomes more secretive.Does your boyfriend close the door when you are around? Does he take his phone calls in another room? If your partner is cheating, he will begin to distance himself from you.[5]

    • Look for secrecy in any area of his life.[6] Has he started hanging out with people that you don’t know?
    • If you ask him about where he is going or how his day was, does he only give a short answer with no details?[7]
  4. 4
    Notice if he has become less affectionate. If your boyfriend is cheating, he may become less affectionate. Does he no longer want to hold hands, cuddle, kiss, or have sex? Is he no longer interested in the physical aspect of your relationship?

    • Keep in mind that your boyfriend could be less affectionate due to stress or health issues. Take into account the other signs before you decide that he is less affectionate because he is cheating.[8]
  5. 5
    Look for any behavior that is out of the ordinary. Your boyfriend may begin to change his behavior because he feels guilty about cheating. These behaviors can be positive or negative. Typical changes include:[9]

    • Buying gifts for no reason.
    • Going out of his way to be helpful and caring.
    • Picking fights with you.
    • Being more moody.
    • Smelling differently (e.g. another person’s perfume or cologne)
    • Paying extra attention to his appearance (e.g. clothing, new haircut, going to the gym)
    • Lying about things that are both big and small.[10]
    • Saying different phrases that he usually would not.
    • Keep in mind that cheating is not the only explanation for unusual behavior.

Method 2 of 3:

Evaluating Your Relationship

  1. 1
    Assess the amount of time you spend together. Does your boyfriend spend his free time with you or is he always too busy? Do you feel like you and your boyfriend are living separate lives? Do you not know what is going on in his life, and he doesn’t know what is going on in yours?[11]

    • Even if you and your boyfriend have busy schedules, he should make time to see you and talk to you.
    • Also, notice any changes in the amount of time you are spending together. Did you go from seeing each other four times a week to only once a week with no explanation? This may be a sign that he is up to something.
    • Talk to your boyfriend about these changes before you assume he is cheating.
  2. 2
    Determine the quality your interactions. Not only should you evaluate the amount of time you spend with your boyfriend; the quality of that time is important as well. Are the two of you having fun together or do you spend most of the time arguing? Do you feel distant or connected to your boyfriend?[12]

    • If your interactions have gone from fun and pleasant to constant arguing, he may be spending time with someone else or he may be stressed out about some other issues and taking it out on you.
  3. 3
    Evaluate your boyfriend’s interest.Even if you are spending time together, your boyfriend may seem uninterested in you and your relationship. Do you get the feeling that he doesn’t really care about you? Is he very nonchalant when he deals with you?[13]

    • For example, do you always have to call or text him first?
    • Do you always have to make plans and think of date ideas? Does he not give any input when you ask him about things the two of you can do together?
    • Is he not very talkative or attentive when the two of you are together?
  4. 4
    Listen to your gut. You may sense that something is not right between you and your boyfriend. You may not be able to put your finger on it, but you know something is up. Do not ignore this feeling.[14]

    • Often times, your gut feeling is the first sign that you need to start looking for other red flags.
  5. 5
    Talk to your boyfriend. If you are suspicious, you will begin to see signs and assume he is cheating. It is best not to jump to conclusions. If you accuse him of cheating and he is not, it will cause damage to your boyfriend. Talk to him about what you have noticed and listen to his explanations.

    • You may say, “Hey, you have been super irritated lately and your mind seems somewhere else. Are you ok?”
    • You may say, “I noticed we have been spending less time together. Is everything ok?”
    • “Our relationship has been in a rut lately? I really want to work on it. What do you think about this?”
    • If you catch your boyfriend in a lie, you may say, “You didn’t tell the truth about ___. It really hurt my feelings. What’s really going on?”

Method 3 of 3:

Looking for Evidence

  1. 1
    Examine his social media. Go through your boyfriend’s social media pages to see if he is talking to anyone that you don’t know. See whose pictures he is “liking” and “favoriting.” Also, look for other social media pages that you may not know about. He may be using them to communicate with the other person.

    • Also notice if he is spending more time on social media than he usually does. Spending more time on social media has been linked to cheating.[15]
    • If you have his passwords, go through his accounts to see who he has been messaging. This is a serious invasion of his privacy. If he finds out that you have done this, he will be upset with you. Be very confident with your suspicions before you do this.
  2. 2
    Talk to his friends. If your boyfriend has been lying about his whereabouts, talk to his friends to see if they say the same thing. Keep in mind that his friends are on his side and will probably not tell you what he is up to. Be smart about the questions that you ask them.

    • For example, if your boyfriend says he went out with a friend on Thursday night, you may ask the friend, “Hey, did you and ____ have a good time on Thursday?”
    • You would also ask your boyfriend, “Hey, did you and ___ have a good time on Thursday? What did you guys do?”
    • His friends may begin to act differently around you if your boyfriend is cheating. If they know what is going on, they may be uncomfortable around you.[16]
  3. 3
    Catch him in a lie. Ask him where he was one day. A few days later, ask him again. If he is lying, he may find it hard to remember what he said the first time. Compare what he said each time you asked to see if the stories match.

    • If he becomes defensive or annoyed that you keep asking him questions, he may be cheating. If he is telling the truth, your questions shouldn’t bother him.
    • If he uses social media a lot, check his posts and activity around the time that you are questioning about. Look for any inconsistencies.
  4. 4
    Go through his phone. Wait until your boyfriend is sleeping or in the bathroom and grab his phone. This will be difficult if he takes his phone with him everywhere he goes. If you do not know his password, try to cuddle with him and look over his shoulder when he puts it in. This may help you figure out what his password is.

    • You can also try to stand close to him while he uses his phone and see if you notice anything.
    • Once you have access to his phone, go through his call log and messages as quickly as you can. Look for unsaved numbers.
    • If your boyfriend does not have any text messages in his phone, he may have deleted all of them because he is up to something.
    • Going through his phone is another serious invasion of his privacy. He will be very upset if he finds out you have done and this and will not trust you anymore. Use this as a last resort.