How to Know if Your Girlfriend Is Cheating on You

1

Listen for complaints about you or your relationship. When someone is cheating, they often start to blame the other person so they don’t have to feel guilty. Notice if your girlfriend starts to point out issues in your relationship or complains about ways you aren’t being a good partner. This could be a sign she’s trying to blame you for her cheating.^[1]

• She might say things like, “You never listen to me!” “The romance is dead in our relationship!” or “I see you talking to other girls all the time.”

2

Ask questions about sudden changes in her schedule. If she’s cheating, she’ll need time to spend with her new partner, so her schedule will change. Notice if she’s working late often or suddenly has little time for you. She might be spending that time with a new partner.^[2]

• For instance, she might say she’s working late even though she’s never had to do that before. Similarly, she might suddenly be traveling for work despite not getting a pay bump.
• Don’t automatically assume she’s cheating just because her schedule changes. For instance, she might work more hours if she wants a promotion or she might take up a new hobby to improve herself. It’s okay for her to do new things.

3

Look for a change in affection and your sexual relationship. If she’s cheating, she may suddenly lose interest in being intimate with you or she may have more desire for intimacy. Look for dramatic changes in how often you kiss, touch, and have sex. This could be a sign she’s cheating.^[3]

• On the one hand, she might not want to be intimate with you as often. In this case, she might pull away when you kiss her or show no interest in sex.
• However, she might suddenly be much more affectionate and may want sex more often. She may even show off some new sexual moves.

4

Notice if she seems unwilling to open up to you. Normally, couples talk about their problems and their goals for the future. However, your girlfriend might not want to open up to you if she’s feeling emotionally distant from you or she’s talking to a new partner. Consider if she’s suddenly talking to you less. Additionally, ask her questions about what’s going on in her life to see if she’ll open up.^[4]

• You might ask, “How has work been lately?” “Are you excited about the upcoming holidays?” “You’ve seemed stressed lately. What’s on your mind?”

1

Notice if she’s being secretive with her phone or computer. Watch how she handles her phone and computer around you. See if she tries to hide the screen from you when she’s using her device. Additionally, notice if she gets upset if you come near her while she’s on her device. This might be a sign that she’s cheating.^[5]

• If she’s cheating, she’ll likely communicate with her new partner using her electronic devices. She’ll want to keep these communications secret, so she’ll get upset if she thinks you might see them.
• It’s normal for your girlfriend to want to keep her phone private, so don’t assume that she’s cheating just because she doesn’t want you checking her phone.

Tip: If you share a device with your girlfriend, you might notice that she’s deleting messages a lot. This might also be a sign of cheating.

2

Watch for signs she’s paying more attention to her appearance. It’s possible that your girlfriend just wants to look her best because she values herself. However, sudden changes in her appearance and efforts to improve her look could be a sign that she’s cheating. Notice if she’s working out more or buying new clothes. Similarly, look for changes in her hairstyle and makeup routine.^[6]

• For instance, she might lose weight at the gym or buy a new wardrobe.
• Keep in mind that she might be doing this for herself. Don’t assume that your girlfriend is cheating just because she wants to look her best.

3

Make public displays of affection (PDA) to see if she avoids them. If your girlfriend is cheating, she’ll likely start to pull away. She may feel uncomfortable acting like a couple in public. Notice if she suddenly starts pulling away when you try to hold her hand, hug her, or give her a kiss. It might be a sign that she’s cheating.^[7]

• As an example, let’s say you normally hold hands while you’re walking around in public. She may suddenly start pulling her hand away. Similarly, she might turn away when you try to kiss her on the cheek or step back when you go in for a hug.
• Don’t worry about this if you’ve never been a couple who engages in PDA.

4

Watch for closed body language when you talk to her. It’s possible that closed body language might be a sign of guilt over cheating or anger at you over problems in your relationship. Look for closed body language when you’re talking to her to see if she may be feeling guilt or anger. Here are some things to look for:^[8]

• Avoiding eye contact
• Folding her arms over her chest
• Turning away from you

5

Check for periods of time when your girlfriend isn’t available. If she’s with someone else, she likely won’t take your calls or answer your texts. Additionally, she may be vague about where she is. Consider if you suddenly have trouble getting in touch with your girlfriend or if she disappears for long periods of time. It could be a sign she’s cheating.^[9]

• For instance, she might disappear on Friday night from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. with no explanation.
• Before you assume that she’s cheating, consider if she’s recently gone through some life changes. For instance, if your girlfriend is working full-time and recently started attending school, she might just be really busy.

6

Listen to see if she talks about a new friend. While it’s totally okay for your girlfriend to form new friendships, sometimes a new “friend” can be a romantic partner. Notice how she talks about this new person and how much time she seems to spend with them. If she can’t stop talking about them or wants to hang out with them a lot, it’s possible she’s cheating with them.^[10]

• As an example, she might say things like, “Alex is so creative! Let me tell you what happened at work today.”
• Keep in mind that it’s healthy for your girlfriend to have friends, and it’s important to trust her. Don’t assume that every new friend is a threat to your relationship.
• If the person is just a friend, she should be open with you about the relationship. Additionally, she should tell that person about you.

1

Tell your girlfriend about your suspicions. You’re probably really nervous about talking to your girlfriend, but it’s the only way to know for sure if she’s cheating. Explain that you care about your relationship and are worried that something is wrong. Then, say that you think she might be cheating and why you suspect that.^[11]

• You might say, “I really love you and want to have a future together. Lately, I’ve been worried that our relationship might be changing. I’ve noticed that you aren’t as affectionate, disappear for hours at a time, and are spending more time on your appearance. These behaviors have me worried that you’re cheating.”

2

Expect her to get upset when you confront her about cheating. She’ll likely get upset when you bring up the topic of cheating, whether she is or isn’t. Reassure her that you’re trying to help your relationship and deserve the truth. Then, give her a chance to explain what’s going on.^[12]

• You could say, “I see that you’re upset, and that’s not my intention. I want to make things better for us, but I need to know the truth.”

3

Listen to her side of the story. There may be a perfectly valid reason for her behavior, so give her a chance to explain. Don’t interrupt her while she’s talking and encourage her to say all she needs to say. Additionally, paraphrase what she said so she knows you were listening.^[13]

• Say, “It sounds like you’ve been questioning our relationship,” or “It sounds like you’ve just had more things on your plate than I realized.”

Tip: You might want to break up with her if she is cheating. However, listening to her side and thinking things over gives you a chance to make the best decision for you.

4

Check for signs that she may be lying to you. It’s really hard to tell when someone is lying, but there are a few signs you can look for. First, consider how she normally acts in a conversation with you. Then, look for differences in the way she’s talking to you when you ask her about cheating. Here are some indications that she might be telling a lie:^[14]

• Her body language suddenly changes when you ask her about cheating.
• She starts squirming, fidgeting, or pulling away.
• Her sentence structure changes to longer, more confusing sentences.
• She breaks eye contact.
• Her facial expression changes.
• She blushes, bites her lip, flares her nostrils, or sweats.
• She talks either faster or slower and her tone changes.

5

Decide whether or not you’re willing to continue the relationship. Whether or not she admits to cheating, you need to figure out if this relationship is what’s best for you. You deserve to feel secure in your relationship, so think about whether or not you feel like you can trust her. Then, decide if you want to work on the relationship or end it.^[15]

• If she admits to cheating, ask yourself if that’s something you can get over. If it’s not, it might be best to move on.
• Consider asking your girlfriend to work on things with you. If she shows an interest in saving your relationship, it might be worth trying to make things work.