LIFE AFTER HONEYMOON (4)
She went to see the babalawo.
The marriage is not working!
Her lover has suddenly changed, the man who couldn’t do without her, now wishes her away.
There must be a witch or a strange woman somewhere after her marriage, she complains to the old baba.
While baba gives her a stern look like that of the gods.
He dances before the gods, speaks mysterious languages of incantation.
In her heart she feels a sense of relief, because she believes a problem shared with baba is not just half solved but fully solved.
Then comes baba, after a deep communion with the gods.
He asked her to come the next day with a pure white sheep, alligator pepper, seven red peppers, and compulsorily two cups of red oil.
With haste, she gathered all that. Very early in the morning dragged the pure white innocent sheep to baba.
Baba collected the materials and presented before the gods.
He went into the inner chamber, came out moving backwards, brought out a mysterious substance and gave to this woman looking for happiness in her home.
She wants her husband captured, she wants a charm that would make her control him.
Then, baba gives some strict conditions;
Whenever your husband starts talking angrily to you, put this substance in your mouth and remain silent, then make sure he gets his food at the right time, satisfy him at night, wash his clothes.
Excitedly, she left the shrine with her “control your husband-portion.”
Unknowingly to her husband, he comes back home nagging, she thinks in her heart “don’t worry you fool! I have your charm with me” she cunningly slips the juju in her mouth!
While the husband screamed, she held down her tongue with the powerful juju.
Before you could know it, the food was ready!
The husband watches while eating suspiciously.
She smirks at him, knowing what she was doing. She is working on putting him under her control.
He tried packing his clothes to wash, but shockingly they are washed!
Proudly he softly echoed from bedroom “you tried for washing my clothes, but you could have as well ironed them, when will you stop being a lazy woman?”
Oh with anger boiling within she wanted to give it back to him, but “oh if not for baba’s charm holding down my tongue!” she regrets.
She meticulously followed baba’s instructions for seven days as ordered.
While all these was going on, the husband was watching.
His wife that says 7 when he says 1 has suddenly turned to a quiet woman!
She now washes his clothes,
She now satisfies him without begging for it!
“what suddenly changed my wife? ” he whispered to himself.
He began to see no reason treating such a lady badly.
He began to feel like a fool screaming at a submissive woman.
He now spends more time at home.
He suddenly changed too!
Happily she ran to baba with thanksgiving offerings.
She screamed from the road “baba! your charm really works, I have succeeded in capturing him! “
Quietly, baba stairs at her as she speaks.
He then told her, “my daughter, it has not ended.”
Surprised, but quietly asked, “baba what else? “
Baba answered “you wouldn’t need the charm anymore but you must maintain the conditions”
She obediently agreed, because she thought, “that’s nothing compared to keeping my husband under my control!”
While trying to leave, baba called her back, took her to the backyard. Surprisingly, there lies all the sacrifices she brought 7 days ago. Baba opened up to her, “sorry my daughter, I did not use any of them. Where is the charm I gave you? ” She hurryingly brought it. Baba opened the juju.
He said, “my daughter, there’s nothing in it, but mere ashes!”
he added, “I noticed the devil fighting your home was your tongue, so I gave you something to hold it down. “
*”Even so the tongue is a little member, and it can boast of great things. See how much wood or how great a forest a tiny spark can set ablaze!”*
(James 3:5 AMP)
Listen, bad marriage is next to hell.
See, there are two major reasons for conflict in marriage;
1. Attitudinal
2. Spiritual.
Attitude is what you do or do not.
Attitude can either make or Mar your home.
Attitude forms our character. It’s like what a software is to a computer.
You’d see an handsome man or beautiful woman (hardware) with a very awkward Operating system (character) running in his or her system.
Real beauty is skin deep.
It is attitude failure that would make a man beat a very beautiful woman.
Character supersedes beauty, talent and academic qualifications.
(You will not only understand this accurately until you get married).
Character problem can turn an handsome man or beautiful woman to a monster, an angel to Satan.
Pst. Sunday Ameh once told me, *”when you get married, you will discover that nothing is as important as peace.”*
Not qualifications.
Our attitude towards money, sex and communication have power to create or influence the atmosphere of our home.
Every new marriage go through money test.
The financial administration of your home through your lifetime will be determined the first few months of the marriage.
There’s a man who would prefer leaving his ATM with his wife, because he has come to trust her sense of financial judgement.
While there’s another who just can’t dare it because he tried it but her extravagant expenditure leaves him stranded always.
He would insist you never let your wife know how much you are paid.
Some women also would not submit their finances to their husbands because of their poor financial management/intelligence.
Every financial decision is a product of past attitudes.
How you manage resources is part of your attitude.
Do you have your dustbin full of 30% of your food?
Please take stock of your dustbin.
Hope the food store is not emptied into the bin?
Hope you don’t always have soured or spoilt left over food in the kitchen?
Proper home management requires proper sense of measurement. Ability to measure without under-measuring nor over-measuring what the family should consume.
Every man that knows the cost of money keenly watches how it is spent, unless he got it through lottery.
Another is atitudes toward sex.
He that gambles with this one gambles with his marriage.
(I have discussed this in the previous episode).
Then attitude to communication.
Albeit Mahrabian would say *”Communication is 77% non-verbal.”*
You speak more than you talk.
Your body language, eye contact, facial expressions speak louder than your words.
Then the pitch or tone of your voice gives meaning to your words.
_”What’s wrong with you”_ could be a statement of care or of insult and confrontation, depending on how it was communicated.
Someone said, *”your actions are so loud that I can’t hear what your are saying “*
While having a Bible study in Sophia foundation last Sunday on Proverbs 25:11 *”A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”*
Corper Goke defined *”word fitly spoken” as right words rightly spoken at the right time.”*
Holman Christian Standard Bible puts it,
*”A word spoken at the right time is like gold apples on a silver tray.”*
Right intensions requires right presentation.
You don’t serve an apple of gold with plastic tray but with tray of silver.
People call the tray by which the golden apple (words) is presented manners.
Have you ever heard people say _”you don’t know how to talk”?_
They don’t mean you are dumb.
No matter the truthfulness of what you are saying, presentation of truth is as important as the truth itself.
While meditating and writing this, Dr. Mike Murdock came on TV with these timely words;
“Presentation is a seed for acceptance and persuasion.
Words are seeds for feelings.
Words can wound, words can heal.
Right word to you might be wrong word to others.
God loves word so much he calls himself the Word.”
Don’t crush your home between your jaws.
Inability to trust or attitude of suspicion could also crush a home.
(This is one major fruit of pre-marital sex. It was fun before marriage, but a strong parameter for judgement in marriage. You would wish you endured for the five years of courtship or relationship than suffering for fifty years of marriage explaining every move you make and relationships you keep, for lack of trust)
The second major root of conflict is spiritual.
It’s possible you apply all good attitudes but still finding it tough if the root of the problem is spiritual.
It’s high level of foolishness doubting or ignoring spiritual wickedness.
Some evil seeds are sown even from the wedding day.
The enemy sometimes spiritually orchestrates an agent to plant evil seeds of suggestions into the marriage.
The devil focuses the whole of his arsenals on unions meant to cause harm to his kingdom.
Don’t be scared of Satan, but don’t ignore his devices.
Wickedness is real, but more real is our God.
You don’t fight spiritual battles with physical weapons.
Am yet to see anything as foolish as fighting spiritual warfare with the faculty of the mind.
There’s no amount of counsel, cries, persuasion that can change a man or woman under a siege.
You needed to see what spiritual manipulation can do to a good man or woman.
Don’t talk or quarrel when you should pray.
Your intelligent explanations are useless at this point.
Take war room seriously.
A true man must be both a guy and priest to his wife.
A true woman must also be both a babe and intercessor to her husband.
You must be a watcher of gates.
The worst state of any marriage is when the man or woman has given up fighting.
When he has formed his opinion about his spouse.
When he believes nothing can be done any more, and there’s no need pleasing who cannot be pleased.
When he accepts his condition as his destiny.
When there’s nothing to fear, nor ashamed of anymore.
The implications of a bad home tells more on children than even the couple.
If not handled, it eventually produces transgenerational consequences.
*Fight for your home.*
~_*Selah.*_~
#Expecting you at TheEncOunter!
